Nairobi, Kenya: 2015 "Introduction" Part III of III

Nairobi, Kenya: 2015 "Introduction" Part III of III

Helping Style Inventory (HIS) is used in Clinical Pastoral Education in America/Canada for awareness of our helping styles

HSI helps us to recognize patterns of our helping styles.  It is important to have various helping styles depending on needs of careseeker, a flexible use of self.   We need to be directive or facilitative in our use of power depending on persons or issues.  We also need to focus on tasks or persons depending on situations or issues.  Conversational scenarios, whether in written form or performed in role-play, provide a series of options for the student to choose from.  The choices of caring responses configure the student’s preferred helping style profile and mark the growing edges in the student’s personal and professional use of self.

                                      [HSI was developed by Rev. Dr. Peter Van Katwyk]

Listening is a vital human relation and counseling skill, yet most of us have lost the skill.  

God gave us two ears and one mouth, and ears are always open.  We are created to listen more than speak.   This is evident in the Bible.  James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”  Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers before listening-- that is his folly and his shame.”  Good listener can empower those who talk.  A good listener is a witness, not a judge of speaker’s experience.  Being heard means being taken seriously.

There are some guidelines for good listening.  

First, we need to concentrate on the person speaking, setting aside distractions.  We must also suspend our agenda.  We must interrupt as little as possible. If we do interrupt, it should be to encourage the speaker to say more.  Second, we must try to grasp what the speaker is trying to express.  We should not react to just the words but listen for the underlying ideas and feelings.  We should also try to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes.  We need to understand what the other person is getting at.  Third, we need to let the speaker know that you understand.  Use silence, reassuring comments, and paraphrasing.  Offer empathic comments.  Make opening-up statements (“tell me more”, “what else”) versus closing-off statements (“I get it”; “the same thing happened to me”).  This guideline is not comprehensive.  Good listening also requires training, preferably under supervision.

[**It is vital that one learns tested and tried theories on pastoral counseling/psychothrapy.  Here is a small segment of Kohut's Self Psychology, in its work on NPD.]

One of the most prevalent personality disorder, although difficult to diagnose, is narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).  

In general, NP is described as extreme selfishness and self-centeredness.  Some of the criteria for NPD in DSM IV (TR) are “Grandiose sense of self-importance”, “Requires excessive admiration”, “Has a sense of entitlement”, and “Lacks empathy”.  It is self-love that has gone awry due to life experiences or lack of true empathy.  Heinz Kohut, “the Father of Self Psychology”, gave an excellent insight into developing healthy “narcissism”, healthy “self-love”.  Kohut thought NPD is largely due to deficit of basic needs child has.  Child’s needs are met in two ways.  The parent reflects back to the child the feelings and thoughts that the child is experiencing to give the child a sense of being validated and understood (mirroring transference), and the parent accepts that the child wants to view the parent as his or her protector and feel a sense of strength and comfort from doing so (idealizing transference).   The space is limited to elaborate on Kohut’s Self-Psychology.  However, his insights into the concepts of empathy and transferences (mirroring, idealizing) are well worth studying more in depth. 

CONCLUSION

The Chinese character for “crisis” is made up of two symbols: one for despair and the other for opportunity.  Crisis can be turning points where careseeker could move toward growth, enrichment, and improvement; or move toward dissatisfaction, pain, and in some cases, dissolution.  We can stand on that crossroad.  We could help careseeker to move toward growth, healing, and intimacy with God.  And we need people who are trained in self-reflection, empathy, active listening skill, and knowledge in sound counseling theories.  We also need those who would train, supervise, mentor, and create community of caregivers.   May God’s Kingdom and righteousness flourish through ministry of pastoral care/counseling/psychotherapy.  May others know Jesus Christ through pastoral care/counseling/psychotherapy.