Nairobi, Kenya: 2015 "Introduction" Part II of III

Nairobi, Kenya: 2015 "Introduction" Part II of III

Empathy is the first and foremost ingredient of pastoral care and counseling.   

“It is a means of imaginatively stepping into the shoes of another person and seeing the world from her or his perspective…Empathy involves two simultaneous and opposite relational skills: (1) making connection with another person by experiencing what it is like to be that person, and (2) maintaining separation from the other person by being aware of one’s own feelings and thoughts.  Empathy is a balancing act” (Carrie Doehring, 2006).   It is important to understand negative consequences of incorrect empathy.   In connecting with another person’s experience, it is important that caregivers do not become too immersed in the careseeker’s experience.  There is a danger of over-involvement.  This is called a merger.  The failure to maintain appropriate separation leads to loss of objectivity in dealing with issues at hand.  The over-involvement can result in burn-out of caregivers and violation of appropriate boundaries in careseeker—caregiver relationship.   There is also a danger of ‘disengagement’ when caregivers distance themselves emotionally from the careseeker.  This will prevent the caregiver from understanding what the careseeker is experiencing.  Anxiety or stress can lead a caregiver either to become too separated from the other person and disengaged emotionally or to become too connected or fused with the other, such that the caregiver can’t distinguish his or her own feelings from the feelings of the person seeking care.  Developing accurate empathy requires training, practice, and supervision, which help with self-awareness and self-change.

Jesus is the true embodiment of empathy.  

It says in Philippians 2:5-7, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.”  Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin.”   Exodus, incarnation, and the cross of Jesus Christ are examples of Gods’ empathy.  God enters full human experiences.  And God’s desire is stated in John 10:10, “I came that you may have life and life to the full” (John 10:10).  We can certainly learn empathy from Jesus and be helped by our counselor, the Holy Spirit, through prayers and the Word of God.  It is important to establish daily intimate relationship with Lord Jesus Christ, to grow into likeness of Him.

Pastoral caregiver must recognize and monitor power dynamics in caregiving relationships.   

Within and between people, patterns involving power occur in relationships.   For example, as counselors we have power that is given as counselors.  Our verbal and non-verbal presence exerts power.   And those who come to us also project various levels of power to our position as counselors.  Therefore, we need to be aware of them and make use of power to empower those who come to us, rather than abuse and exploit them.  Even when we suggest something, we need to make sure that careseeker is given choice about the suggestion we make.  For example, even when we want to pray for them at the end of a meeting, we should ask, “I would like to pray for you, would that be okay with you?”  In setting agenda for meetings, we need to lead as well as collaborate in setting agenda.  The goal of counseling is empowering those who have been disenfranchised, wounded, and victimized.  It is not making decisions for them but teach them good decision-making skills and model for them. 

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is an instrument used worldwide for an objective assessment of one’s own personality.   

It is used in schools and corporations in human resource departments, especially for team-building.  It is an excellent tool to learn who we are, and also helps others understand us.  It provides awareness on areas we need to grow, change, or learn.  MBTI is based on the works of Carl Gustav Jung (1875–1961), a Swiss psychiatrist, who developed a theory of personality:  Differences between people are not random. Instead they form patterns—types.  Psychological Types (published 1921, translated into English 1923).  Every person carries out two kinds of mental processes: We take in information, then we make decisions about the information.  And everyone has preferred ways of using these mental processes.  Jung observed that we all live in two worlds: The outer world of things, people, and events and the inner world of our own thoughts, feelings, and reflections.  Each person has a preference for either the outer world or the inner world.  Jung believed that preferences are innate—“inborn predispositions”.  He also recognized that they are shaped by environmental influences, such as family, culture, and education.  [continued...]